is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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