yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
