Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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