I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
