im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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