And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
