just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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