Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
