Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
