why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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