Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
