what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
