My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
