Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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