; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
