New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
