Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
