Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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