Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my being single is dangerous.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
