I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
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I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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