Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
