Only a mothe r could love this liver
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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