yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
