whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
