i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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