Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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