literally had 100 drinks last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
