you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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