You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we're making bets on your personal life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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