Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
