Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I party with great urgency now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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