My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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