I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
