So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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