My liver just broke up with me...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
