I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
