My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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