are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
