i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
