I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is classic penis vs brain.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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