I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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