I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
