Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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