I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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