She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
