no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
