We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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