Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
