we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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