remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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