took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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