you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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