Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
either way he was missing a nipple.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
