I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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