I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
