But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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