i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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