The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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