Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
