the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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