I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
