Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
