you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
