eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
