Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
