Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Your cock deserves a montage
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
