I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His nipple licking is glorious
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