You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
