you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?