I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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