I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit