I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."