Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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