matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Couch. On fire.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
